I haven’t been posting as much as I should…I have been prepping for our annual trip to Mammoth with the H.S. group…it was epic, as was to be expected…I’ll post about the trip soon…it occurs to me that many of you probably don’t have a great frame of reference for what a trip with Camarillo Christian Church Student Ministries (CCCSM) is like…it is unlike anything you have ever experienced…let me give you a little insight…the following is my post from last year’s trip…it’s long so take a pee break or two…enjoy…graceandpeace…
“***WARNING***
Don’t expect to understand anything…if you happen to understand something it is a mistake, just consider yourself fortunate…and away we go…
…yes I love elipses…the following is an account of the Mammoth 2006 Winter event…the names may have been changed to protect the guilty…errr innocent…
FRIDAY…realized I hadn’t bought any food for the trip yet…280 people may starve unless I get a move on…I figure 45 minutes is enough time…what a retarded idea that was…2 hours, 6 carts (the kind that are flat, not the basket), and over $1000 later we had what I thought would be enough food for the trip (culinary saga t.b.c.)…got to the church late…packing was boring…on the road…crap we forgot DDR, but maybe that was blessing in disguise…I’m getting tired of listening to 805.123 (from this point on will be referred to as only 123)…time to turn the tables…Don’t press that button 123…he pressed it and now it’s on…Hello, Mr. President…now you’ve done it, it’s on and we can’t turn it off…there is no vibe between us 123, me and Travis have vibe, but none between us…Justin you are not vibing…Dirty Vegas brings the vibe back to Justin…holy crap it’s ON…what…ok…yeah…this drive sucks…oh well make the best of it…good God it’s windy…IT’S ON…the Bush calls again…and again…and again…I think this joke has been used about as much as my cell phone has been touched by 123…my butt hurts…shuffle mode on ipods reveal long forgetten treasures such as “Hey Jude”…gas stop in some crazy town on the 395…Rockstar for Justin…Red Bull for Travis, who doesn’t like Red Bull and gives it to Justin…Low Carb Monster for me, don’t ask why…123 eats an entire package of Mentos in 5 minutes…they sell guns at this gas station…but only between the hours of 10 and 5…on the road again…yes, it is still on…no you can’t turn it off, once it is on it is on…the Bush calls again…see it’s worn out…like the antenna on my cell phone which is constantly being touched by 123…Carl’s in Bishop for dinner…I’m not too hungry…Nate gets nasty looking chili cheese fries…on the road again…my Sub is slow…newly rediscoved treasure “Knockin’ on Heaven’s Door” by GNR absolutely awesome…we’re there…unloading food…getting to our chalet…going to the store for more food…this time we add $200 in water, milk and OJ…back to the chalet…meet with Shawn to go to check out the venue…back to the store, this time for personal goodies, Gaterade and chips…back to the chalet…take my pills…go to bed…
SATURDAY…very early…the TV goes on…it’s a Spanish infomercial…Travis turns it off…123 turns on and Scott doesn’t help…lots of noise…bury my head in the pillow…finally get up…shower and change…go to The Breakfast Club…Travis doesn’t like cows, I comfort him…order chorizo and eggs…a lot of food…finish it all anyways…go to Footloose…don’t know why, but it seems we end up there every year…go back to the chalet…it’s cold, windy and snowing…get lunch ready…I turn on a pot of water for dinner…go to the store again, this time to buy materials for THE CAKE…drive up to the Canyon Lodge to pick up left over lunch stuff…come back…someone has turned off my pot of water…start it again…eat chips in the chalet…someone has turned off my pot of water again…this time I start it and stay to protect it…it takes forever to boil water in Mammoth…cook dinner…macaroni and spaghetti sauce…takes forever…this kitchen sucks…spaghetti sauce on my shoes…students act like animals…not enough food for dinner…oh well…time for the session…movie game…I can’t believe Travis doesn’t know these…Lizzie wins on the first try…worship led by Marty and his band…it’s really good…gets me in the right place…now it’s time for Steve…123 is sitting next to me…Steve is good…123 keeps talking…123 starts to fidget…123 wraps his jacket around his head and Nate and I almost start cracking up…Steve is doing a great job, but I am distracted by 123…Steve wraps up by calling the students to think about what they can do to change the world…yes students can change the world…shut up yes they can…the question is will they…if they put as much passion into the Kingdom of God as they do some of their other, and I say lesser, activities…well then…we would be talking not about mere changes, but of world wide revolution…go back to chalet for church time…good input on the part of students…hope some of this is sinking in…back to the store…$180 for more breakfast and lunch foods…by time we get back the other churches’ students have raided the food and eaten a bunch of the stuff we just tried to replenish…additionally they are animals and the concept of trash cans and trash can empting is obviously foreign…this makes me a whirlwind of anger…I’m tired…ready to go to bed…take my pills…go to sleep…
SUNDAY…very early in the morning…TV turns on again…it’s still a Spanish infomercial…I turn the TV off this time…123 turns on and Scott still doesn’t help out the situation…get frustrated and stuff my earphones into my ears and bury my head in the pillow…get up…shower and change…walk to Schat’s…admit to Katie, Scott, Travis, Justin and 123 something about Schat’s…yum Schat’s breakfast croissant sandwich and a cheese bagel…the frisbee o’ sugar…I get up to toast my bagel and when I get back all of a sudden my name has been changed to Chris…”I like you Jeff”…walk back to chalet…why is everyone else walking so fast…I fall behind…couldn’t care less…OK I’m going to start typing again…I just got back from the bathroom…I just left my class in the middle of it to go to the bathroom…I’m the teacher…but their are only 2 students today because of a field trip…yes I’m blogging during class…I don’t care, do you…I should probably grade their exams tonight…I going to get a tattoo tonight…back to Mammoth…get lunch ready…I have to take 123 to his ski lesson…he can’t find his glove…borrows some from Scott…ask 123 if he has any other pants, because the sweat pants he is wearing will get wet…he says no…get on the bus to the Main Lodge…almost to the Lodge when 123 says that he left his waterproof pants in the chalet…I can’t think of anything to say other than “It’s on”…oh well not going back to get the pants now…rent skis for 123…have to touch his feet…not fun…check him into his lesson…ride the bus back to the chalet…start cooking dinner…must brown 75lbs. of beef for dinner…Nate helps out while I go and pick up 123 from his lesson…get back and finish dinner…surprisingly dinner goes well…lots of food left over…offer $40 to anyone who will finish off the beans…probably about 10 lbs…no takers…students help out with serving and cleaning up…they helped clean up yesterday too…really proud of the way they are serving the other churches…time for the session…Justin plays Chubby Bunny…Justin is the Chubby Bunny champion…worship…even better than the night before…I’m really connecting with God through the music, not easy for me…Steve starts to speak…123 is doing better tonight…Steve has trouble with his mic…gey hinnom…he digresses into a Brokeback and a Lil’ Jon tangent…but the message was great…do you care…that’s part of the message, not a part of the blog…but I guess it is a part of the blog since it is in the blog…he asks if we are inclusive or exclusive…great question Steve…123 farts and it reaks…church time…directed prayer…123 farts again…I need to end this quickly or I’m gonna gag…hope this helps the students…really proud of them…packing instructions…the students surprise the coaches with roses and I get a swan…the swan’s head falls off, but it was still really cool…these students rock…back to the store…we buy every donut they had in the bakery…overall tally for food $2200…including 1200 bottles of water…500 sodas…300 cup o’noodles…75 lbs. of beef…20 lbs. of macaroni…and much much more…since THE CAKE never made it we serve a store bought cake and ice cream…Nate is slobbering all over himself…it’s quite impressive…I get it he is imitating Preston…”O Brother Where Art Thou” is on TV…I’m feeling very achy and my post nasal drip is going hog wild…I take Airborn, Zycam, Sudafed, and my pills…Justin wisely unplugs TV…go to sleep…
MONDAY…wake up…no crazy TV this time…pack up…load up…123 can’t find his pills…get very worried…is the party bus going to become the gey hinnom bus of sorrow filled with a great gnashing of teeth…can’t find the pills…everyone was looking…on the road…123 might have taken his pills but not remembered…he is doing relatively well…shuffle on the ipod rules…I’m getting tired of typing so this is going to get less and less descriptive…Schat’s in Bishop…Stacey steals my cream cheese…on the road again…gas stop…Justin’s 24 oz. Rockstar…more shuffle…more flow…we’re flowing…lunch stop…Carl’s in Mojave…lock Katie in car…feel really bad…tried to cheer her up…not good at that…on the road again…tired…achy…still feel bad about huring Katie’s feelings…can’t talk my throat hurts…123 keeps trying to talk to me…I won’t respond…shuffle still rules…were almost there…I really have to pee…I can make home…were at the church…i really have to pee…I run into the church to pee…much better now…everyone is getting picked up…say buh bye now…Travis and Katie need a ride home…Katie’s mom isn’t home yet and Katie left her key in Mammoth…Travis and I wait for Katie’s mom…the weird little girl across the street keeps yelling at me…she really wants to why I’m there…she doesn’t have a key to Katie’s house…she’s useless to me…watch out for freaky Jason…he comes out of nowhere…the magic blade of grass and the sudden urge for a Chalupa…not sure if that is chalupa as in Taco Bell or Grandma Dew…here comes Katie’s mom…bye Katie…take Travis home…talk about Mexico…bye Travis…go home…see Cara and Phoebe Louise…great trip…I’m sick…not happy about that…really proud of the students…thanks coaches…can’t wait til Mexico…it’s still on…hope the Bush stops calling…gotta get that magic blade of grass copywrited…still want a Chalupa…can’t sleep too afraid of freaky Jason…shuffle is my favorite thing about my ipod, it’s called “video killed the gooberpod”, rediscovering musical treasures all the time now…Mammoth is a great trip, but need to get more interest…how do we get others to go to this…i need to pee…I did this whole thing during Calculus class…Lizzie made us rush home to see a basketball game that was essentially forfeited…OK I really wanted to get home too…my throat is still sore…class is almost over and so is this post…THE END”
Where I have been…
I haven’t been posting as much as I should…I have been prepping for our annual trip to Mammoth with the H.S. group…it was epic, as was to be expected…I’ll post about the trip soon…it occurs to me that many of you probably don’t have a great frame of reference for what a trip with Camarillo Christian Church Student Ministries (CCCSM) is like…it is unlike anything you have ever experienced…let me give you a little insight…the following is my post from last year’s trip…it’s long so take a pee break or two…enjoy…graceandpeace…
“***WARNING***
Don’t expect to understand anything…if you happen to understand something it is a mistake, just consider yourself fortunate…and away we go…
…yes I love elipses…the following is an account of the Mammoth 2006 Winter event…the names may have been changed to protect the guilty…errr innocent…
FRIDAY…realized I hadn’t bought any food for the trip yet…280 people may starve unless I get a move on…I figure 45 minutes is enough time…what a retarded idea that was…2 hours, 6 carts (the kind that are flat, not the basket), and over $1000 later we had what I thought would be enough food for the trip (culinary saga t.b.c.)…got to the church late…packing was boring…on the road…crap we forgot DDR, but maybe that was blessing in disguise…I’m getting tired of listening to 805.123 (from this point on will be referred to as only 123)…time to turn the tables…Don’t press that button 123…he pressed it and now it’s on…Hello, Mr. President…now you’ve done it, it’s on and we can’t turn it off…there is no vibe between us 123, me and Travis have vibe, but none between us…Justin you are not vibing…Dirty Vegas brings the vibe back to Justin…holy crap it’s ON…what…ok…yeah…this drive sucks…oh well make the best of it…good God it’s windy…IT’S ON…the Bush calls again…and again…and again…I think this joke has been used about as much as my cell phone has been touched by 123…my butt hurts…shuffle mode on ipods reveal long forgetten treasures such as “Hey Jude”…gas stop in some crazy town on the 395…Rockstar for Justin…Red Bull for Travis, who doesn’t like Red Bull and gives it to Justin…Low Carb Monster for me, don’t ask why…123 eats an entire package of Mentos in 5 minutes…they sell guns at this gas station…but only between the hours of 10 and 5…on the road again…yes, it is still on…no you can’t turn it off, once it is on it is on…the Bush calls again…see it’s worn out…like the antenna on my cell phone which is constantly being touched by 123…Carl’s in Bishop for dinner…I’m not too hungry…Nate gets nasty looking chili cheese fries…on the road again…my Sub is slow…newly rediscoved treasure “Knockin’ on Heaven’s Door” by GNR absolutely awesome…we’re there…unloading food…getting to our chalet…going to the store for more food…this time we add $200 in water, milk and OJ…back to the chalet…meet with Shawn to go to check out the venue…back to the store, this time for personal goodies, Gaterade and chips…back to the chalet…take my pills…go to bed…
SATURDAY…very early…the TV goes on…it’s a Spanish infomercial…Travis turns it off…123 turns on and Scott doesn’t help…lots of noise…bury my head in the pillow…finally get up…shower and change…go to The Breakfast Club…Travis doesn’t like cows, I comfort him…order chorizo and eggs…a lot of food…finish it all anyways…go to Footloose…don’t know why, but it seems we end up there every year…go back to the chalet…it’s cold, windy and snowing…get lunch ready…I turn on a pot of water for dinner…go to the store again, this time to buy materials for THE CAKE…drive up to the Canyon Lodge to pick up left over lunch stuff…come back…someone has turned off my pot of water…start it again…eat chips in the chalet…someone has turned off my pot of water again…this time I start it and stay to protect it…it takes forever to boil water in Mammoth…cook dinner…macaroni and spaghetti sauce…takes forever…this kitchen sucks…spaghetti sauce on my shoes…students act like animals…not enough food for dinner…oh well…time for the session…movie game…I can’t believe Travis doesn’t know these…Lizzie wins on the first try…worship led by Marty and his band…it’s really good…gets me in the right place…now it’s time for Steve…123 is sitting next to me…Steve is good…123 keeps talking…123 starts to fidget…123 wraps his jacket around his head and Nate and I almost start cracking up…Steve is doing a great job, but I am distracted by 123…Steve wraps up by calling the students to think about what they can do to change the world…yes students can change the world…shut up yes they can…the question is will they…if they put as much passion into the Kingdom of God as they do some of their other, and I say lesser, activities…well then…we would be talking not about mere changes, but of world wide revolution…go back to chalet for church time…good input on the part of students…hope some of this is sinking in…back to the store…$180 for more breakfast and lunch foods…by time we get back the other churches’ students have raided the food and eaten a bunch of the stuff we just tried to replenish…additionally they are animals and the concept of trash cans and trash can empting is obviously foreign…this makes me a whirlwind of anger…I’m tired…ready to go to bed…take my pills…go to sleep…
SUNDAY…very early in the morning…TV turns on again…it’s still a Spanish infomercial…I turn the TV off this time…123 turns on and Scott still doesn’t help out the situation…get frustrated and stuff my earphones into my ears and bury my head in the pillow…get up…shower and change…walk to Schat’s…admit to Katie, Scott, Travis, Justin and 123 something about Schat’s…yum Schat’s breakfast croissant sandwich and a cheese bagel…the frisbee o’ sugar…I get up to toast my bagel and when I get back all of a sudden my name has been changed to Chris…”I like you Jeff”…walk back to chalet…why is everyone else walking so fast…I fall behind…couldn’t care less…OK I’m going to start typing again…I just got back from the bathroom…I just left my class in the middle of it to go to the bathroom…I’m the teacher…but their are only 2 students today because of a field trip…yes I’m blogging during class…I don’t care, do you…I should probably grade their exams tonight…I going to get a tattoo tonight…back to Mammoth…get lunch ready…I have to take 123 to his ski lesson…he can’t find his glove…borrows some from Scott…ask 123 if he has any other pants, because the sweat pants he is wearing will get wet…he says no…get on the bus to the Main Lodge…almost to the Lodge when 123 says that he left his waterproof pants in the chalet…I can’t think of anything to say other than “It’s on”…oh well not going back to get the pants now…rent skis for 123…have to touch his feet…not fun…check him into his lesson…ride the bus back to the chalet…start cooking dinner…must brown 75lbs. of beef for dinner…Nate helps out while I go and pick up 123 from his lesson…get back and finish dinner…surprisingly dinner goes well…lots of food left over…offer $40 to anyone who will finish off the beans…probably about 10 lbs…no takers…students help out with serving and cleaning up…they helped clean up yesterday too…really proud of the way they are serving the other churches…time for the session…Justin plays Chubby Bunny…Justin is the Chubby Bunny champion…worship…even better than the night before…I’m really connecting with God through the music, not easy for me…Steve starts to speak…123 is doing better tonight…Steve has trouble with his mic…gey hinnom…he digresses into a Brokeback and a Lil’ Jon tangent…but the message was great…do you care…that’s part of the message, not a part of the blog…but I guess it is a part of the blog since it is in the blog…he asks if we are inclusive or exclusive…great question Steve…123 farts and it reaks…church time…directed prayer…123 farts again…I need to end this quickly or I’m gonna gag…hope this helps the students…really proud of them…packing instructions…the students surprise the coaches with roses and I get a swan…the swan’s head falls off, but it was still really cool…these students rock…back to the store…we buy every donut they had in the bakery…overall tally for food $2200…including 1200 bottles of water…500 sodas…300 cup o’noodles…75 lbs. of beef…20 lbs. of macaroni…and much much more…since THE CAKE never made it we serve a store bought cake and ice cream…Nate is slobbering all over himself…it’s quite impressive…I get it he is imitating Preston…”O Brother Where Art Thou” is on TV…I’m feeling very achy and my post nasal drip is going hog wild…I take Airborn, Zycam, Sudafed, and my pills…Justin wisely unplugs TV…go to sleep…
MONDAY…wake up…no crazy TV this time…pack up…load up…123 can’t find his pills…get very worried…is the party bus going to become the gey hinnom bus of sorrow filled with a great gnashing of teeth…can’t find the pills…everyone was looking…on the road…123 might have taken his pills but not remembered…he is doing relatively well…shuffle on the ipod rules…I’m getting tired of typing so this is going to get less and less descriptive…Schat’s in Bishop…Stacey steals my cream cheese…on the road again…gas stop…Justin’s 24 oz. Rockstar…more shuffle…more flow…we’re flowing…lunch stop…Carl’s in Mojave…lock Katie in car…feel really bad…tried to cheer her up…not good at that…on the road again…tired…achy…still feel bad about huring Katie’s feelings…can’t talk my throat hurts…123 keeps trying to talk to me…I won’t respond…shuffle still rules…were almost there…I really have to pee…I can make home…were at the church…i really have to pee…I run into the church to pee…much better now…everyone is getting picked up…say buh bye now…Travis and Katie need a ride home…Katie’s mom isn’t home yet and Katie left her key in Mammoth…Travis and I wait for Katie’s mom…the weird little girl across the street keeps yelling at me…she really wants to why I’m there…she doesn’t have a key to Katie’s house…she’s useless to me…watch out for freaky Jason…he comes out of nowhere…the magic blade of grass and the sudden urge for a Chalupa…not sure if that is chalupa as in Taco Bell or Grandma Dew…here comes Katie’s mom…bye Katie…take Travis home…talk about Mexico…bye Travis…go home…see Cara and Phoebe Louise…great trip…I’m sick…not happy about that…really proud of the students…thanks coaches…can’t wait til Mexico…it’s still on…hope the Bush stops calling…gotta get that magic blade of grass copywrited…still want a Chalupa…can’t sleep too afraid of freaky Jason…shuffle is my favorite thing about my ipod, it’s called “video killed the gooberpod”, rediscovering musical treasures all the time now…Mammoth is a great trip, but need to get more interest…how do we get others to go to this…i need to pee…I did this whole thing during Calculus class…Lizzie made us rush home to see a basketball game that was essentially forfeited…OK I really wanted to get home too…my throat is still sore…class is almost over and so is this post…THE END”
~ by jefemaximoiv on January 30, 2007.
Posted in Commentary, Ramblings